blogSoda

4.04.2010

Four Going On Fourteen

Daddy (to Mommy): I was talking to that guy in the pink shirt, and...

Ellie: Daaaaad... Boys don't wear pink shirts!

Daddy: Some boys wear pink shirts. Daddy's not really a pink shirt guy, but some guys wear 'em.

Ellie: You just ruined my life.

Daddy, Mommy, Ellie, Edison: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

3.29.2010

Neoievalism Descending

Lately, I've been concerned that we're headed for a redux of the Middle Ages. Those times were marked by a dangerous rise in religious devotion coupled with the suppression of reason. They lasted a really long time...

Unlike the Dark Ages, where the general populace was kept in the dark because the channel to available knowledge was cut off by those who stood to benefit from an uninformed public, the Neoieval movement thrives because the channel is flooded with misinformation. I call it the Interference Age. If you attempt to drink from the firehose of information (most notably in the form of cable television and the internet), you'll likely be frustrated at the flood of contrary opinions, the misrepresentation of facts, and the tendency of formerly reliable sources of information to hedge their bets and put out competing articles of content to court buyers from both sides of the divide.

Similar to Medieval times, I see the relegation of real science to the fringes while religious assumption takes center stage in the decision making process. I see the marginalization of fact in favor of positions supporting pre-existing beliefs. This was drawn into stark contrast for me watching "Stephen Fry in America" the other night. While in Montana, he met with a glacier scientist. He asked the scientist, "Well, since you're a glacier scientist, it follows that I ask you if you believe in global warming." The scientist replied that he had no choice to believe since his job was to measure glacier loss and that we'll be living glacier-free by 2020. However, the right wing flat out refuses to acknowledge the metrics. I'm not sure why. We can debate whether or not you think we're causing it, but it seems we'd damn sure better make sure we're prepared to deal with the results. I'm not sure how Climate Change became a partisan issue - I sometimes think that if Al Gore had named his movie "An Inconvenient Show" and said that he wasn't really a fan of Small Wonder, the right wing would be hailing Tiffany Brissette as the second coming. So, instead of a real discussion about what is going on with the climate and what we should do about it, we have scare tactics (the infamous hockey stick diagram) from the left and outright denial on the right. The left may argue that they were overstating their case in order to get everyone's attention, but dishonesty is dishonesty.

And speaking of scare tactics, the pale, pasty Godfathers of misinformation are those pale, pasty members of the New American Century Batshit Crazy right wing. They have a gift for flooding the channels with terms like "Pro-Abortion," "Death Tax," "Death Squads," and the current redefinition of "Communism" by that right-wing luminary Victoria Jackson. They have really leveraged Kierkegaard's notion of negation-by-labelling. I am certainly not in favor of abortion. However, I recognize that some issues are too complex to be dealt with legislatively - that some decisions are personal and need to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. But, the party that believes that the government should stay out of our lives feels it can make a blanket case for its "pro-oppression" stance based on the biblically proscribed sanctity of all life. Then, they can turn around and be in favor of capital punishment, or (on the extreme-extreme) be in favor of killing a doctor that deals with un-viable fetuses that endanger the mother. But, they can take my statements and label them "pro-abortion" and negate their meaning within their community.

Quite frankly, I'm afraid there is a reverse-hockey-stick diagram representing our critical thinking abilities as time goes on. We are all capable of seeing through the fog, but it takes letting go of pre-conceived notions. I know it's easier to join a team and focus on beating the other team, but the sooner we realize we're all on the same team and start working toward real solutions, the better off we'll be.

I'm not optimistic.

3.04.2010

Things I Don't Understand Pt. 2: Climate-Change-Ism

How in the Hell did climate change become a partisan issue? This one's really got me stumped.

It would be one thing if the argument was just over whether or not humans have caused climate change. But, it's not. The protests I hear are "Global Warming? Hah! You scientists, with your fancy measuring doo-hickies are trying to tell us what to do!" The protests I hear are actually scoffing at the data.

The data is pretty clear, folks. Climate change is occurring. Whether or not we caused it, we need to be prepared to (at a minimum) deal with it. It would be nice to think that we could solve it, but I'm not that optimistic right now. I'm one of those that believes that the number of us on the planet spewing crazy amounts of crap into the atmosphere must be having some kind of effect. But even if you don't agree with me on that point, you must agree that we need to do something to prepare for the changes ahead... right?

Apparently, not...

Climate change is upon us. The Earth is warming. Much is at stake. It may cool again later, but does that mean we should sit idly and wait for that to happen? Why can't we agree that's happening and look ahead to adjusting our behavior to compensate without pointing blaming fingers.

Is it that the issue was first brought to popular attention by Al Gore? Part of me thinks this is true. I think if Al Gore said, "I like chocolate," the Tea-Party types would be lining up to throw M&Ms into Boston Harbor. Is it that there is a fear that conscientious behavior is antithetical to free markets? It's already been shown by many that "green business" can mean big money.

What is it? Why does the Right feel the need to deny climate change other than the fact that the Left feels the need to promote addressing it?

3.01.2010

Things I Don't Understand Pt. 1: Tiger Woods

Hey! I'm back! It took a little while for enough things to piss me off to start writing here again, but I've got plenty of fuel for this fire now...

So, first order of business: Why is Tiger Woods taking in on the chin so hard?

It's not that I condone Mr. Woods after-hours behavior, because I don't. I just don't understand the inordinate amount of scrutiny he's receiving as a result. I mean, Michael Jordan cheated. Mark McGuire certainly perjured himself before Congress. Kobe may have been acquitted of rape, but something very bad clearly happened there. Ray Lewis, in all probability, was accessory to murder. Yet, none of these athletes seem to be getting lambasted by the media like Tiger is.

I've heard people say that it's because he is so good, but Michael Jordan might seemed to be a pretty good basketball player in his day. I've also heard that it was because he had a squeaky-clean image, but Kobe was held up as a "gee whiz it's just great to be here" type of player as well. Mark McGuire... Well, we knew he was hopped up on the goop before anyone (like, say, his brother) came out and said it.

So what is it? Is it golf? Is it that golf has been a white man's game and the first African-American-ish player to come in and take the game over needed to be knocked down a few pegs? Is it that we had projected so much upon him? Is it that we hoped he was, somehow, better than all the rest? Don't tell me there were no girls around when Clinton broke his leg partying with Greg Norman. Is it that media coverage today is so focused on the crisis of the moment that, barring any real tragedy, we make a tragedy of whatever's at hand?

Help me out. Help me understand so we can go back to our jobs and let Tiger get back to his - hitting a ball with a stick...

12.08.2009

The Moment I Knew I Was In Love with KT Tunstall (Sorry, Poops...)

12.04.2009

Throwed Rolls

So, today, one of my coworkers was having a birthday. He's the new guy in the group. He's very young and from southern Illinois, which leads him to believe we're all city sophisticates, as opposed to the uncultured troglodytes we really are.

However, we were talking about our favorite restaurants and he brought up Lambert's Cafe, "Home of the Throwed Rolls." This is a real place. Check it out for yourself. Apparently, when you eat at Lambert's, they will wheel a cart through the restaurant whenever a new batch of rolls is done and all one needs to do if one desires a new roll is hold up one's hand. They will make sure that you have a roll promptly throwed to you where you sit.

Suddenly, I felt like a city sophisticate. He also mentioned that half the fun is that many of the rolls never make it to their intended destination - shattering on some structural element and showering the unlucky in biscuit dust.

After mentioning that we (as a gluten-free family) could never go there, I started thinking maybe we could take it even further. How 'bout a restaurant where they threw all the food. You want a burger? Here's your bun. Use it like a mitt when your patty comes off the grill. Ready? Catch! You want fries with that? Really? They come with the burger.

Waiter: "Hi. You ordered the soup, right?"

Customer: "NO!!! I forgot where I was! I for-gah-haha-haaaaat!!!"


11.30.2009

Quote of the Day

"Boggle, boggle!" - Dyslexic Turkey


Ellie Simone's New Material

Ellie Simone: What did the chicken say to the fireman?

Daddy: I give up. What did the chicken say to the fireman?

Ellie Simone: "Bock!"