I don't feel good about it... at all.

So, apparently, Saddam Hussein has been hanged to death tonight on the eve of a Muslim holiday. Iraqi law mandates that a man cannot be put to death during his holy celebration, so the execution was expedited to occur before dawn when the holiday begins.

Just like everything else about this war, details were fuzzy and contradictory up until the announcement of the sentence being carried out this evening. Deep down, I feel really icky right now. This execution was the direct result of American occupation in Iraq. Again, it's not that I don't think Hussein was an asshole, it's just that I'm not sure how much of this was our business. Far worse atrocities are being carried out in Darfur, and we sit on our hands. Far bigger threats come from Iran, North Korea, and Pakistan and yet our treatment of the situation remains far different. Still, very little has been accomplished in the "War on Terrorism," and yet this event will be touted as a victory on that front. Worse yet, this will only serve to exacerbate the already boiling tensions in the country we where we were to be "greeted as liberators."

In addition, any truth-finding commissions are packing their bags for home because there's no reason to continue with the bad guy out of the picture. This means we'll never get to the bottom of what happened to the Kurds. This means we'll never know who was complicit in these heinous activities. Truth be told, the good ol' U.S. of A. was probably implicated in some of it, so we're happy to have this all over with.

Warning to all our allies: this is how we treat our friends when they are no longer useful to us.

I have to fall back on a previous entry and say, "Please, just once, surprise me by being less ignorant than I expect you to."

Dear, Terrell Owens (specifically) and humanity (in general)...

Just once, please surprise me by being less ignorant than I think you are.

Thanks. D.

The sound of one cheek farting...

The other day, I opened my fortune cookie and it said, "Change your health through diet and exercise. Stay away from cookies." I thought, "Why the hell did you wait 'til now to tell me... Cookie!" If it was some crazy attempt at self preservation, it was too late - I always eat the cookie before I read the fortune.

Open letter

Anyone who puts their toilet paper on the roll so it comes over the top to the front, obviously doesn't have a cat who's an asshole. Clearly, their cat doesn't come into the bedroom at 4:30 a.m. to yowl for food. Their cat (if they have one that's not an asshole) will probably not respond to getting a pillow tossed at them by running into your bathroom and going all hamster wheel on your toilet paper.

The result is a pile of bathroom tissue on the bathroom floor which results in either danger to my sphincter, or the unnecessary waste of the trees so crucial to our ecosystem. So, if you're the person who, as you sit down to void in my facilities, thinks that I've suffered some lapse of reason or etiquette - please leave the toilet paper on the roll so that it goes over the top to the back. I'm trying to save my ass and the environment.

Am I missing something?

So, help me out here... Is it just me, or do the announcers always have their tongues firmly planted up the opposing team's keisters? I swear... To hear them tell it, the best player on the Bears is cold weather. Which is, apparently, because of all the Inuits we have playing offensive line? Adewale Ogunleye loves the cold... You don't hear them saying, "San Diego's got that naval base there. They're unbeatable under water."

Which is one of the problems with sports today: The real stars of an organization are the GM and the scouts. How 'bout a league where you can only recruit from you region. You open yourself to gerrymandering, but at least you can say, " Guys from my region beat guys from your region... Weenie!"

The Bears still get no respect. And you know tomorrow, they'll all be saying, "Sure, they looked good... But it was the Rams!" If only we had a story like Tony Romo... Wait... He went to Eastern Illinois! He'd be on our regional team! Go Tony!

You better watch out...

So, every year they set up the "Holiday Mountain Railroad" diorama in the concourse level of the Hancock building.

As you can see, there are trains, and bridges, and tunnels... There are also snowpersons, trees with lights, teddy bears, etc. It's all very pastoral and cute, right? That's what I thought, until I saw this:

Holiday Mountain is under attack! For some reason, the cute little scene is being buzzed by a P-51 Mustang fighter plane... I guess Santa's getting a pretty serious about this naughty or nice thing. Forget coal and switches, now he'll strafe your ass...

Happy Holidays, everyone.

Mi nombre es muy malo...

So, I was kinda worried about my neighbor, Tara. She's insane and the kind of person that could land in a heap of trouble. I hadn't seen or heard (the more likely scenario, because she's insane and loud) from her since the Cardinals won the World Series. She's from St. Louis and was pretty excited about the whole deal. I was afraid she'd run off and married Albert Pujols, or something... She actually has all of the qualifications to be a baseball wife, but Tara Pujols is one of the worst names I've ever thought of.

I'd like to open the floor to other horrible names. I'll throw in another freebie to kick it off: Enya Lipschitz.

Have at it...

Food Chain

I caught Ming eating some florn tonight. That's one of Ellie's recipes. It only has 2 ingredients, which are corn and the floor. It's the preparation that makes it unique.

Florn starts as ordinary kernels of corn on the tray of her booster seat. The kernels then make the trip from the tray to her cranium where she mashes it into her hair. The next step is crucial - Daddy says, "No, no, no... Not on your head; in your mouth." At that point, she'll move the food from her scalp into her digestive system and Daddy says, "Yay! Good girl." However, some unlucky kernels miss her mouth, or stick to her head and later fall off, or are summarily tossed and, thus, florn is born.

Bon appetit, Ming.

Not much talk - plenty of trash...

First the good news: the Bears are NFC North champs! They're going to the playoffs and it looks like they'll have home field advantage all the way to the Superbowl.

Now the bad news: Rex Grossman finished the game with a 1.3 passer rating. The theoretical maximum passer rating is 158.3. A big factor in that passer rating was 3 interceptions. That's 14 on the year. And, yet, the Bears keep winning. Not because of Grossman, but in spite of him. I'm starting to think that Rex has money on the opposing team. It's like he's daring the defense and special teams to find ways to win.

With the exception of a few stellar games, the Bears would have been better off with Kyle Orton in the pocket playing not to lose the game rather than trying to overcome stupid turnovers. I was calling for Grossman's ouster during the preseason, then ate my words early in the season, now I vomit them back up for you here. Unless Sexy Rexy can pony up and stop making stupid plays, I say sit him and bring in someone to hand the ball off to Thomas/Benson. They, at least, seem to be somewhat effective.

I hope Rex proves me wrong and lights the Rams up next week. I don't need Sid Luckman, I just need not worse than our second- and third-string QBs.

Go Bears!