blogSoda

3.22.2007

Hunh...

I was just on the bus sitting across from a guy drinking a bottle of
mouthwash. It had a child-proof cap, so I guess it's a self-regulating
system of sorts... It strikes me he should have smelled better, though.

3.21.2007

You pissed me off, but in a good way...

So... On my way in to teach my class at the Art Institute tonight, the security guard didn't see me flash my badge to him. While I was waiting for the elevator, I heard, "Young man... Young man!" from behind me. When I turned around, he was talking to me.

On the one hand, I thought, "If you were doing your job better, you would have seen me show you my badge." On the other, I thought, "Heh... He called me young." It's tough for me to go down there only to have the difference between what is cool (the students) and what is not (me) drawn into stark contrast. It softened the blow to be hassled by the man...

Got to get me some "executive privilege..."

I mean, technically, I'm an executive:

"I would be glad to openly and candidly discuss the matter of why my project failed and why the conduct of members of my team was in blatantly in violation of the firm's Code of Conduct, but only if you are sitting in another room with your hands tightly clamped over your ears and you shout, 'Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon..."

(By the way, when we show a picture of watermelon to Ellie now, she says, "Water...lemon..." So damn cute.)

But, I digress. First we have to put up with "signing statements," basically saying, "It's so cute how you guys ratify bills into law, now shove 'em up your ass." Then, we have to listen to drivel about how we're actually fighting terrorists in Iraq (are you that stupid, those of you who are still Bush supporters (and that's roughly 33% of you)?). Now, we're being asked to accept total immunity from the law for anyone the president says gets total immunity... "See? Karl and Harriet serve at my pleasure. Subpoenas don't give me pleasure; they give me pain. See the difference?"

So, Tony Snow-job says, the President expects that anyone appearing before Congress would tell the truth, so making them testify under oath would be unnecessary. If that's the case, what's the harm with having them testify under oath? Or is the truth different from the Truth?

Also, 15 days of emails are missing from the records released right now. 18 minutes of tape was enough to force Nixon to resign. That's a ratio of 1200:1 in favor of Nixon. So, please... One of you in that 33% please tell me why we should have to put up with another minute of this horse shit...

3.16.2007

Get them some damn Ginko Biloba!

How shitty are people's memories in the Executive branch? Do they serve aluminum sandwiches with lead sauce for lunch? Apparently, bad enough that they don't remember that piss-poor recall was their excuse for the last blunder. The logical conclusion of this is for Snow's stock response to be, "I'm sorry... I don't remember the question you just asked me. It was something about something, but it's... just... well... hazy. Next."

3.15.2007

He looks like the "Time to make the donuts" guy...

Is anyone else suspicious of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confessing to not only plotting 9/11, but the beheading of Daniel Pearl? I mean, if he did and we've got him, great. But, it seems to me that confessing to such high-visibility events after such a long time might be a result of gradually wearing him down. My gut tells me to expect a confession soon for shooting Kennedy and, perhaps, Franz Ferdinand.

3.12.2007

History is really f'd up...

So, I was on my way home from Big Drag practice tonight and I was listening to the BBC on NPR. The theme of the broadcast was slavery. Slavery is bad. We all know that. The stories got me thinking about how sticky the whole situation is, though.

The first story was a British man of African descent who went back to Ghana to "find out something about himself." He was convinced that, as a black man in Britain, he was never going to feel like he fit in. After all, European history was not his history, African history was. So, he took a trip back to Ghana to find his roots. What he found out was that his Great, Great, Great Grandfather was a Dutch slave trader. Not only that, but his mulatto Great, Great Grandfather took over the family business and was a slave trader as well.

What struck me about this is that we've been sold the image of European conquerers riding in to Africa and herding up native Africans and shipping them off for sale in the new world. This is giving white westerners entirely too much credit (or blame as the case may be). The shocking reality is that the Africans were complicit in the whole affair. Fact is, there was already a flourishing slave trade within Africa; Westerners did what they do best which is recognize a commodity and figure out how to profit from it.

Not that this excuses the westerners in any way. If you ask me, the most evil thing anyone ever did was build a fence around a plot of land and declare it theirs. It's a short journey from there to claim ownership of things, then animals, then other people... Now we even debate ownership of ideas. "Let's get ready to rumble" is owned by Michael Buffer and his brother. What the fuck?!?

The whole point of making a commodity of something is to profit from the transactions involving that commodity. It is not a zero-sum game - that is to say, it is not quid pro quo. Every transaction is based on someone getting more out of the transaction than they put in and, thereby, profiting from the exchange. Somewhere, there is a loser... By definition, if someone is getting more than the material investment they made in a commodity at the point of sale - either someone sold it for less than it was worth or someone bought it for more than it was worth.

I'm getting away from my original point here, which is that the real evil here is commodification. The fact that the commodity was a human being makes it just that much more evil.

The second story was of a Creole that traced his lineage back to a French slave owner and his slave/wife. The Frenchman would emancipate each of his children as they were born. With the birth of the last child, the slave owner emancipated both the child and his wife and died shortly after. Seems it was not uncommon for New World Euro Ex-Pats to use the slave trade as a sort of mail-order bride service. How many of us have mixed heritage?

My own Great, Great, Great (some number of greats) uncle was Solomon Le Gare. A crazy hugenot who fled France and landed in the new world. He was the model for Simon Legree in Harriet Beecher Stowe's novel, Uncle Tom's Cabin. This is a fact that makes me cringe every time I think of it. However, chances are that ol' Solomon fathered children by one of his slaves. I probably have distant relatives in the Charleston area who are African-American.

The lasting impression that these stories leave me with is that there is no such thing as "African History," or "European History," or "American History..." There is only our history, and it's pretty f'd up.

3.09.2007

Newt Gingrich: Now with even more asshol-y-nes!

So, I just read this story. What the fuck?!? As my mom used to say, "a lie of omission is just as bad as a lie of comission." So, did you stop to bump uglies (which is ironically meaningful in this case) on your way to the hearings, Mr. Gingrich? Because the lasting legacy of your actions is not that people remember the "perjury" or "obstruction of justice," but the blowjob. Remember, Clinton was acquitted of both charges, by the way... I'm not saying Clinton was clean, but if he was not guilty of charges that were legally flimsy to begin with, all you accomplished was character assassination. I'm tired of Republicans shouting "blowjob!" every time a debate about "ethical integrity" comes up. Enjoy your shattered glass houses, fuckwads.

3.05.2007

Just too late for the Oscars

Nap time can sometimes be a battle. However, I pride myself on being more stubborn than a 14 month old. Yesterday, I was putting Ellie down for a nap which she was none too happy about. After I closed the door, I could hear her moving around in her nursery. So, I went back in and laid her down again. Once again, I could hear crying and the toys in the crib in play. So, I went back in and said, "I know you want to stay up, but you'll feel better after a nap, Bean..." Lather, rinse, repeat.

After several rounds of this, Ellie looked at me when I walked in and said, "Poo-poo." So, I carried her over to the changing table and, lo and behold! There was the aforementioned poo-poo. While I was changing her, she performed what I have to assume was a reenactment of the previous 10 minutes...

A while back, someone gave her a little dolly. It's about the size of a Micky's Big Mouth bottle and comes with its own, even smaller, piggy doll. When she was younger, Ellie referred to it with a sound I could only discern as "Nacho," so the doll has been "Baby Nacho" ever since. So, while I was changing her, she held Baby Nacho up and shook the doll like it was talking. "Up, up," she said. Then, in a much lower voice, she said, "Down!" She repeated this routine several times, just like we'd repeated our routine.

Quite frankly, her portrayal of me was not very sympathetic. It almost made me decide not to put her down for a nap again. Almost... Like I said, I pride myself on being more stubborn than a 14 month old.

3.04.2007

Thank you for proving my point, Ms. Coulter.

Your side has Ann Coulter (and, presumably, Tim Hardaway), Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson, and Mel Gibson.

My side has Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Keith Olberman, Steve Jobs, Al Franken, and Muhammed Ali.

My side wins.