Let 'em strike...

Dear television producers with shitloads of money:

I've been sitting on a few ideas for shows for quite a while now. In light of the recent writers' strike, it seems like now is the time to make my pitch. You'll be out of content soon, but I'm full of ideas. If you're interested in any of these ideas, contact me using the link above.

Celebrity Hunting
This show is just what it sounds like. I would co-host the show with Ted Nugent. I knew his mom, so I'm sure he'd sign on to do the show. We'd also have a rotating celebrity guest-hunter for each episode (might I recommend Keira Knightly for the pilot?). At the beginning of each show, "The Nuge" and I would ask the guest questions about whatever they were trying to plug at the time of filming as we clean our weapons. Simultaneously, an unmarked van pulls into the woods and dumps, say, Mariah Carey into the wild. The remainder of the episode is the two hosts and guest hunting down the titular celebrity with tranquilizer darts. At the end of the pilot, Keira and I both "accidentaly" shoot Nugent with our tranquilizer guns. It becomes a running gag on the show.

So, You Want to Be a Snotty British Judge
They're a staple of any reality show panel and, quite frankly, the supply can't keep up with the demand. On this show, contestants do their best to belittle and demoralize audience members before being belittled and demoralized by the panel of judges. Well, except for the one nice one who tells them that they were "super snotty in their own way." The winner gets to belittle and demoralize contestants on some stupid fucking show.

One Wife Too Many
Who doesn't think polygamy is funny? On this show, the central character is an alcoholic Mormon who continues to bring home better halves after benders in Vegas. It would be like the new Love Boat where celebs are begging for guest shots on the show. Each episode, the new wife throws the order of things into disarray, but gets accepted after teaching a valuable lesson. On the inaugural episode, my new wife Ivanka Trump (did I mention I star in this one, too?) is having a hard time getting accepted by the previous wives. I silence all the bickering with my trademark, "Now, girls!" But, they don't really start getting along until Shmishmanka (Ivanka's character) teaches them about animal rescue. I end the episode with more dogs than wives, prompting my other trademark catchphrase, "I need a goddam drink..." Next week, Charo.

The 2008 Presidential Election
While it's not a reality show yet, I propose it should be. Each week, we vote off one candidate until we have a new president. The upside, we only wish the presidential race had the kind of voter turnout American Idol has. The downside, it is entirely possible Sanjaya could be our next president.

I expect this from the Japanese

But the Belgians?

To Washoe:

I want to write for Dora the Explorer

I think it's about as close as you can get to filling out Mad Libs™ for a living.