R.I.P. Bennigans

Okay... So, I know it sucked, but Bennigans was the default lunch spot for Buddy George and I to meet downtown. 99% of the time we would order the Turkey O'Toole sandwich with no honey mustard, yellow mustard on the side, and French Onion Soup instead of fries. Okay. That's a little... gay, but couple that with a geek-pleasing quantity of soda in one cup and we couldn't pass it up. Truth is, you could probably put a shoe on a pretzel roll and I'd eat it.

Sadly, as of today, Bennigan's discontinued operations in the greater Chicago area. Now, Geo and I will be somewhat adrift for a bit settling on a new default lunch location when we meet downtown. I'd like to spend tonight just thinking back on all the memories of Bennigan's, but 99% of them are of us eating turkey and cheese on a pretzel roll with French Onion Soup and a big-ass soda. There were of course some other fine moments, like when we saw Sulu there, and... Did I mention we saw Sulu there?

The worst part is that we were just there last week and Geo decided to order something a little healthier than the O'Toole. So, I decided to try something else and ordered the Monte Christo. I don't know how many of you have had the Bennigan's Monte Christo, but they take the traditional French Toast and put ham, turkey, and cheese on it. Then, they take the whole shebang and dip it in fried chicken batter and deep fry the sucker. It's all very Moe's Family Feed Bag. The sensation of eating it was (I assume) akin to freebasing donuts. So, now Bennigan's is gone and my final memory is of that fucking tempura ham sandwich.

Sliante, Bennigan's... Sliante...

My only solace comes in the knowledge that chicken wings taste better when served to you by women in tight orange shorts.

Tips For Living

If you play Herbie Hancock's Cantaloupe Island on your iPod and walk around the city, you feel like you're in the opening credits for a 70's sitcom.

Ellie Learns Vaudeville: Lesson 1

If It Were Up To Me

The outcome of that fiddlin' contest woulda been different...

You Know You've Hit Rock Bottom

When you lose a child custody battle to this guy.

Tips For Living

I hope you and/or your loved ones can benefit from these pearls of wisdom:

• If the other person is not aware of the game, you're not playing catch.
• One man's "Devil's Advocate" is another woman or two's "Smarty-Pants Know-It-All" (Thanks "Wife" and "Mom," if those are even your real names...).
• Apparently, you're not a hairdresser just because you do your own hair.
• No one ever got fired for buying IBM; the same cannot be said for urinating on your boss' laptop.
• There's nothing you can say that your kids can't say more loudly in Target.
• Even though we call it sharing at home, in the mall it's called shoplifting.

I hope these were of some help.

Insight from Ellie Simone

Rrriiiinnnnggg...

Daddy: Hey. [noises in background] Sounds like you're having fun over there.

Mommy: She won't take a nap.

Daddy: Put her on the phone.

[rustling]

Ellie: Hi, Daddy.

Daddy: You should take a nap, Sweetie.

Ellie: I don't want to go to sleep - Woogie needs me.

Daddy: That's nice that you're helping your brother, but you need your rest. You should really take a...

Ellie: I'm sorry. We're not here right now. Bye.

[rustling]

Mommy: Ha, ha, ha...

Daddy: Ha, ha, ha...

Are You Kidding Me? (cont.)

Here's the scene outside the AT&T store this morning. Wow.



photo posted from my iPhone

Are You Kidding Me?

These folks are in line 15 hours ahead of time to buy a phone... it's a pretty cool phone, but come on.



photo posted from my iPhone

Calling all gun nuts.

So, all you NRA types (gun nuts) and political theorists (employment-challenged folks) help me out here... In an article in today's Chicago Tribune, it was stated that a gun rights group is seeking an apology from an Oak Park administrator after he stated that the Supreme Court's striking down of a gun ban in D.C. helped gang-bangers. What confuses me about the Second Amendment debates is that it is not clear to me where the lines are drawn. To review, the amendment reads:

"A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed."

It does NOT read:

"Y'all can have guns as long as you get 'em licensed and can prove you're not a criminal or a nutbag."

So, I guess I'm not sure how the amendment protects the rights of card-carrying NRA folks any more than it protects the rights of the People (anyone - including gang-bangers) to have weapons. To be clear - I'm not coming down on the side of gun control, because I don't really think guns are the root of the problem. I'm just trying to understand why the founders' statement is interpreted the way it is. It seems to me that the "necessary to the security of a free State" bit would imply that the reason you're allowed to have arms is to protect the country.

However, I'd be willing to accept an argument that the founders realized that a police force sizable enough to eliminate the need for weapons in the name of personal security would be, in and of itself, a threat to the blessings of liberty secured for ourselves and our posterity. So, if you think being Bronson, Jr. is the best way to keep scumbags away from your shit, fine. But, let's take a look from the other side.

The amendment also does NOT read:

"You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

As a matter of fact, I don't see guns mentioned at all. If you're really talking about the security of the State, why can't I have an ICBM in my backyard. Think of it as crowd-sourcing our nuclear arsenal. Or, if we use the argument that I'm just trying to protect my shit, why can't I roll around with a nuclear warhead behind my motorcycle like Dmitri "Raven" Ravinoff from Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash? The sentence in the Constitution doesn't appear to prohibit this.

I guess you could make the argument that individuals in possession of WMDs (or whatever-the-hell you wanna call 'em) makes it more difficult to maintain the "security of a free State." However, it seems to me that gangsters with guns is roughly the same problem, and we're back where we started...

Help me out here and let me know where you see the lines drawn and why.