Let the Panic... Begin!
Americans really pull together whenever we feel at risk from something beyond our borders. We're at our best when we band together against terrorists, space aliens, and mimes. Pirates didn't cut the mustard since they're over there and we're over here. But now, Americans, we have a new invader - the Swine Flu. Swine Flu is our chance to huddle in fear with our friends, neighbors, and former enemies. Now's our time to shine, America.
It is our patriotic duty to now develop an irrational fear of Mexicans and pigs. Egypt has really upped the ante by issuing a mandate to slaughter all of the nation's 350,000 pigs. We can do better. We can panic. We can cross the street whenever we see someone who looks vaguely Hispanic. We can boycott pork-related foods or, perhaps, just rename them "Freedom Rinds."
So, next time you see a Mexican person walking down the street, I hope you'll do the American thing and say, "Back off, Pedro. Take your infected ham taco and vammenoose!"
It is our patriotic duty to now develop an irrational fear of Mexicans and pigs. Egypt has really upped the ante by issuing a mandate to slaughter all of the nation's 350,000 pigs. We can do better. We can panic. We can cross the street whenever we see someone who looks vaguely Hispanic. We can boycott pork-related foods or, perhaps, just rename them "Freedom Rinds."
So, next time you see a Mexican person walking down the street, I hope you'll do the American thing and say, "Back off, Pedro. Take your infected ham taco and vammenoose!"
posted by bigsoda at
7:00 PM
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