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Life Begins At Implantation

April 17, 2012
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The Galactic Council passed a so-called “organismhood” resolution Tuesday sponsored by Tk En’r’glaggggh of Ekdar 7 that would give unborn organisms at all stages of development — including larval implants — the same rights available to “other life forms” in the Galaxy “subject only to the laws and social compacts of the Galactic Council and [...]

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A Magic Tale of Unthinkable Optimism

December 22, 2011

One Tuesday in the future, a day that would come to be forever known as “That One Tuesday,” the United States Congress decided it was better to stop manufacturing problems and to focus on the problems the people of the United States already had. At first, the American people were a bit uncomfortable because they [...]

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Bad Joke Number 2

May 10, 2011

Guy #1: “Wow. That was weird…  The doctor just grabbed my nuts and told me to cough.  Then, he stuck his finger up my butt and poked around…” Guy #2: “Nah.  That’s pretty standard for a checkup.” Guy #1: “But, it was my wife’s appointment…”

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Funny Congressional Names

April 9, 2011

I’ve learned a few things about Congress following the events leading up to a potential shutdown of the government.  First and foremost is that many members of Congress have funny names.  Some of them sound downright dirty.  Here’s a sampling: Max Baucus – D, Montana Jon Tester – D, Montana Harry Reid – D, Nevada [...]

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5 Best Chewbacca Quotes

March 31, 2011

In honor of Wookie Week, we here at bigSoda have compiled what we feel are the best quotes by everyone’s favorite heavily-armed bathmat.  Without further adieu, here’s the list: 5) “Arwwwwwaaaaaaaarrrrrrahhhhhaa…” 4) “Arwwwwwaaaaaaaarrrrrr.  AWR!” 3) “Wruwuwuwuwuwuarrrrrrhhh.” 2) “Unghuhuhngawurhrhrharrrarrrrh!” 1) “Ruh-roh!” We hope you enjoyed this list. Please feel free to add your faves in the [...]

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Apple Announces Phone App for iPhone

February 15, 2011

CUPERTINO (California): Apple Inc.’s industry-leading iPhone devices will soon be able to do more than play music and run apps.  Apple announced the development of an app that allows users to make phone calls, an ability that phones from Apple’s rivals already offer and that iPhone owners have long sought. The changes, coming this summer to iPhones [...]

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Oh, My God… That Had Better Be Piss!

February 11, 2011
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Band practice is an emotionally taxing endeavor.  Musical compositions are performed with each nuance subject to the most unforgiving scrutiny.  Each member of the musical combo is focused on the details of the musical integrity of each piece with the hawk-like diligence of… Eh, who am I kidding? BigDrag is like an idiot casserole that’s [...]

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On Our Way to Grandma & Grandpa’s House

February 1, 2011

Ellie: You know, Boo-Boo…  If a dinosaur was standing over our car and pooped, our whole car would be covered in poop. Edison: Yeah… Then we’d have to go to the car wash. Daddy: Not to mention the laudromat to clean Daddy’s underpants… Ellie & Edison: Hahahahaha!  Underpants…

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Bad Joke Number 1

January 22, 2011

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a Flaming Labrador.” Bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t do that.” Guys says, “Why not?” Bartender says, “I got no arms.” Guy says, “Oh, yeah. I probably should have noticed that. What happened to your arms, if you don’t mind me asking.” Bartender says, “Last April Fool’s Day, [...]

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People of Earth Surprised by Eviction Notice

January 22, 2011
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EARTH — Yesterday, residents of Earth were were more than a little surprised by something they found taped to their doors when they returned home – eviction notices.  In all cases, the text of the notice read, “You are hereby requested to quit, vacate, and deliver possession therefore to the undersigned on or before February [...]

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