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Free Ideas!

January 18, 2012

Here are some ideas you are free to take, develop, and use as your own: Spray-on Sunglasses – ’nuff said? Tuna Flavored Chicken – For those who love tuna, but want it in drumstick form Ikea to English Translator – Comes with its own hex wrench Self-destructing Eggs – Never worry about eating eggs past [...]

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Would it have been the same…

December 22, 2011

If Darth Vader had been played by Wallace Shawn?

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A Magic Tale of Unthinkable Optimism

December 22, 2011

One Tuesday in the future, a day that would come to be forever known as “That One Tuesday,” the United States Congress decided it was better to stop manufacturing problems and to focus on the problems the people of the United States already had. At first, the American people were a bit uncomfortable because they [...]

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5 Best Chewbacca Quotes

March 31, 2011

In honor of Wookie Week, we here at bigSoda have compiled what we feel are the best quotes by everyone’s favorite heavily-armed bathmat.  Without further adieu, here’s the list: 5) “Arwwwwwaaaaaaaarrrrrrahhhhhaa…” 4) “Arwwwwwaaaaaaaarrrrrr.  AWR!” 3) “Wruwuwuwuwuwuarrrrrrhhh.” 2) “Unghuhuhngawurhrhrharrrarrrrh!” 1) “Ruh-roh!” We hope you enjoyed this list. Please feel free to add your faves in the [...]

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Suck it, 1896!

February 25, 2011

It’s a tense time here in Chicago.  We’re all hoping for a buzzer-beater snow storm so we can finally grab bragging rights to snowiest February from that sn0-cone of the 19th century, 1896.  But, even if we don’t get the snow, there’s a number of things that make twenty-eleven hella-cooler than 1896.  So, I decided [...]

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Apple Announces Phone App for iPhone

February 15, 2011

CUPERTINO (California): Apple Inc.’s industry-leading iPhone devices will soon be able to do more than play music and run apps.  Apple announced the development of an app that allows users to make phone calls, an ability that phones from Apple’s rivals already offer and that iPhone owners have long sought. The changes, coming this summer to iPhones [...]

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Bad Joke Number 1

January 22, 2011

Guy walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a Flaming Labrador.” Bartender says, “Sorry, I can’t do that.” Guys says, “Why not?” Bartender says, “I got no arms.” Guy says, “Oh, yeah. I probably should have noticed that. What happened to your arms, if you don’t mind me asking.” Bartender says, “Last April Fool’s Day, [...]

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People of Earth Surprised by Eviction Notice

January 22, 2011
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EARTH — Yesterday, residents of Earth were were more than a little surprised by something they found taped to their doors when they returned home – eviction notices.  In all cases, the text of the notice read, “You are hereby requested to quit, vacate, and deliver possession therefore to the undersigned on or before February [...]

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WikiLeaks Strikes Again

December 7, 2010

Infamous whistle-blower site, WikiLeaks, has again obtained and released a number of classified documents that claim to shed light on classified American information. This round has set its sites on the top-secret family pie recipes of American politicos. Among the revelations: President Obama’s Pie You Can Believe In The Commander-In-Chief’s recipe calls for promising he’ll [...]

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Tony Orlando, Why Hath Thou Forsaken Us?

November 16, 2010

Tony Orlando, best known for Tie A Yellow Ribbon and Knock Three Times, is the undisputed master of secret code love songs.  Although his songs of cryptographic love have been absent from the charts for quite some time, bigSoda was lucky enough to unearth a previously unheard 8 track casette of unreleased material called “Let’s [...]

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